“I can’t believe you have to work on a holiday!” exclaims woman actively patronising business
TORONTO — Cynthia Johnson was shocked and appalled by the fact that the staff of her favourite local coffee shop were being forced to work on Christmas morning, despite the fact that her being there in the first place was directly contributing to the issue.
“I just think it’s baffling that you poor kids have to come in and cater to these all lazy people who can’t take a single day to make their coffee themselves so that you can have a break,” she huffed, looking at the long lineup behind her. “Just shameful! Why on earth would your store be open? I can’t understand it. It’s Christmas! That’s crazy!”
“Now, can I get fifteen extra-hot extra-foam venti cappuccinos with six pumps of candy cane syrup on the side for each? My extended family and I just opened our presents and we all need a boost!”
Fellow cafe patron Joe Butcher chimed in, looking up from the third coffee he’d consumed since the minute the store had opened just half an hour before.
“It’s a disgusting display of capitalism at its worst!” he fumed. “I tell ya, it’s a damn good thing you’re open right now—you can give me your manager’s card so I can email him to tell him that you shouldn’t be open right now!”
Butcher drained his cup with a flourish. “I just don’t see one good reason for you all to be here right now. This day is supposed to be about love, joy, and the Christmas spirit. By the way, what time do you all close today? Early?! Are you goddamn kidding me??!”
At press time, Butcher was refusing to leave the shop before regular closing hours and Johnson had just entered a restaurant, sat down, ordered, and then proclaimed, “I’m so surprised you’re serving people today! On Christmas?! Shameful!”
Jesus Christ is King
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