Parents Get Up Early To Place Santa Droppings Around Living Room To Convince Children He Visited

RIO RANCHO, NM—Scattering excrement here and there on the floor to bring a little Christmas magic to their home, local parents Doug and Sarah Lynch got up early Sunday to place Santa droppings around their living room so they could convince their children he really visited. “Look, kids, there’s Santa scat by the fireplace—and by the tree too!” said Sarah Lynch, who mixed pieces of undigested Christmas cookies into the feces in order to really sell it. “Ol’ St. Nick must have come last night and taken a huge dump while you were sleeping. I thought I heard him grunting! And would you look at that—he left this long trail of toilet paper in the chimney on his way back up to the roof. I wonder what he left in your stocking?” At press time, the Lynches reminded their children to be good in the New Year so that Santa would come shit all over the floor again next Christmas.