CHICAGO—Despite the expectation of honesty implicit in the journey of healing from addiction, anonymous sources reported Tuesday that lying to a sponsor is actually very easy. “They ask you questions to check on your progress, but you can totally just lie, no problem,” said a man leaving a meeting in the basement of First Unitarian Church, explaining that all you had to do was omit what had actually happened that week, and you could continue earning more chips. “I said, ‘I was prepared for the temptation and have been able to abstain over the holidays,’ but I totally went on a five-day bender. It was easy to get away with. As far as my sponsor knows, I haven’t had a drink in over a year. I thought I would get cold feet and maybe spill the beans on everything, but nope, lying has been easy peasy.” At press time, the anonymous man stated that his sponsor had no idea that he was currently drunk.
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