CINCINNATI—Claiming its latest product was recommended by nine out of 10 deli guys, oral hygiene mainstay Crest announced Wednesday it had launched a new line of ham and cheese whitening sandwiches. “Want a whiter smile that’s never tasted better?” a press release from Crest read in part, going on to state that the new formulation used the deep-cleaning action of Black Forest ham, extra-sharp cheddar, and brown mustard to break down the surface stains that accumulate on tooth enamel. “According to studies, teeth that have yellowed over time can become several shades lighter with daily applications of delicious dry-cured pork and sourdough bread, which are two to three times more likely to deliver results than a turkey club or a Reuben. Eat a Crest ham and cheese in bed each night and wake up with whiter teeth every morning!” Crest also announced it had released a kosher offering of matzo ball soup for sensitive teeth.
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