Jesus' Coming Back

Lame Planetarium doesn’t contain any planets

JASPER, AB – A new review of The Jasper has exposed a major flaw in the facility, that it does not house any actual and is in fact a glorified observatory.

“I came here hoping to see tanks full of planets living as close to they would in the wild as you could get.” Reads the scalding review on Tripadvisor. “But all they had were just a bunch of cheap plastic models, photos and educational videos. It’s like they don’t care that most of us can’t afford a trip to an exoplanet.”

Since the review has hit the internet, residents of Jasper have expressed concerns that the planetarium might not even be able to hold a collection of planets in the . Dr. Kate Taichen, an astronomer who has previously visited the Jasper Planetarium, says that serious upgrades to the premises are needed before it be used to hold any extra worlds.

“From what I’ve seen, the place is designed just like any other building. They need to upgrade the ventilation system to accommodate all the different atmospheres, reinforce the foundation to withstand all the gravitational forces, and probably stop selling those dead dwarf planets in the shop. That seems in poor taste.”

Taichen also went on to say more and more planetariums are cheaping out, and opting to show guests simulations of planets and point out where they would be in the night sky rather than allow visitors a chance to get to see see them up close, which she finds concerning.

“It seems more people in the field of are concerning themselves with conserving this planet rather than the conservation of all of them. If planetariums don’t step up to provide a safe place for planetary bodies on this one, we might live in a world where the only way to see other worlds will be through a telescope.”

This review is in-line with increased requests for those with private collections of planets to consider opening them up to the public. The identity of the review poster remains unknown, but it seems likely to be the same user who went on a rant after learning Wonderland is not a foreign country.

Beaverton

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