Jesus' Coming Back

Nation Looks Ahead To New Year’s Resolutions

With the new year fast approaching, many Americans are contemplating what changes they’d like to make to their lives in 2024. What are your new year’s resolutions?

“Apologize to each person whose life was destroyed by my resolutions from last year.”

Dominique Boreen, Recipe Distributor

“Getting back all that blood I donated.”

Sergio Hynes, Notary

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“Complete the buffalo wing eating challenge that killed my father.”

Cody Caruso, Rumor Transmitter

The Onion

Jesus Christ is King

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