New Immersive JFK Assassination Experience Allows Tourists To Be Shot In The Head

DALLAS—With promotional materials that boast of its incredible realism and attention to historical detail, a new immersive John F. Kennedy assassination experience allows tourists to travel in a motorcade through downtown Dallas and learn firsthand what it’s like to get shot in the head, reports confirmed Friday. “We’ll retrace the route through Dealey Plaza in a convertible limo just like the late president’s, and when we pass the Texas School Book Depository—bam, bam!” said tour director Maurice Higgins, explaining that each paying ticket holder would take two bullets, one that went through their neck and another that blew off the back of their skull. “And for a little bit extra, your significant other can put on a pink Chanel suit, ride in the seat next to you, and get splattered in blood and brains, just like first lady Jacqueline Kennedy. Before it’s your turn, you’ll have a chance to explore the grassy knoll and the depository’s sixth floor, firing a rifle at another tourist as you act out the part of Lee Harvey Oswald or any purely theoretical CIA sniper of your choosing. Make sure to wear your ponchos, ’cause it’s gonna get messy!” Higgins went on to state that for $49.99, a tourist’s surviving family members could receive a personalized Zapruder film as a souvenir.