ORLANDO, FL — After falling into the depths of certain toasted doom, Pop Tart returned in power and glory to the land of the living as the newly minted “Pop Tart the White”.
All appeared lost as Pop Tart descended into darkness, certain to be burned by ceaseless flame. Millions observed the final, tragic fall, as Pop Tart lost his grip on the bridge, sacrificing himself so that his friends may enjoy delicious strawberry filling and sprinkled goodness. “Dreams do come true,” cried out Pop Tart before falling, though onlookers say his mouth scarcely seemed to move.
Friends cried out in grief and a bit of hunger as Pop Tart fell out of view. Though seemingly lost forever, rumors swirled of a white Pop Tart traipsing about the forest. Pop Tart’s closest friends refused to think he could have returned, believing it to be a store-brand knockoff. Then, upon a chance meeting with friends, Pop Tart threw off his silver wrapping and behold! He had returned as Pop Tart the White, though he did vaguely recall his former name “Strawberry”.
Though seemingly the same, Pop Tart the White carried a new aura of calm and wisdom. “When you are deep in the pantry, and all cereal lost, look to my coming on the first light of the fifth day. At dawn, look to the east,” said Pop Tart to his bewildered friends. And lo! Pop Tart arrived not early, not late, but precisely when he meant to, greatly astonishing his friends and bringing great joy to the breakfast table.
As the country slowly increases in racism and right-wing bigotry, it’s important to ensure you don’t get caught up in their evil MAGA ways.
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