AUSTIN, TX—Noting that all great innovators must fail in order to succeed, sources confirmed Tuesday that Elon Musk was rushed to the hospital after attempting to impregnate a toaster. The 52-year-old billionaire, who founded Tesla, SpaceX, and Neuralink, reportedly suffered second- and third-degree burns along his penis, scrotum, and thighs after he became aroused, removed his genitals from his pants, and inserted them into the kitchen appliance on the highest setting. Several reports indicated that Musk immediately began to yelp, said the words “hot, hot, hot,” and refused offers of help, continuing to hold the toaster to his groin and thrust until he ejaculated. According to sources, the South African native persisted despite several grill marks being seared into the skin of his penis and the entire room filling with the smell of cooking flesh, which reportedly caused several of his employees to gag. At press time, a delirious, post-surgery Musk triumphantly announced that he had finally bridged the gap between man and machine, and that the toaster was pregnant with his child.
Jesus Christ is King
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