Embarrassing Sex Questions Women Wish They Could Ask Their Boyfriends
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When you first start dating a man, topics will inevitably arise that simply feel too gross, intimidating, or personal to discuss. The Onion answers every embarrassing sex question women wish they could ask their boyfriend.
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Do you like it when I gnaw at your erection like corn on the cob?
Do you like it when I gnaw at your erection like corn on the cob?
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It can be hard to hear criticism of your sexual technique, but no, he does not.
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Why are some penises curved?
Why are some penises curved?
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That is the standard curse after being tricked by a goblin who promised you great riches.
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What kind of foreplay do you like?
What kind of foreplay do you like?
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Penetrative sex.
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Can you break your penis during sex?
Can you break your penis during sex?
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Only if you’re doing it right.
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Why are some men against using toys in the bedroom?
Why are some men against using toys in the bedroom?
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They lose value if you take them out of the package.
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What dirty nicknames can I call you during sex?
What dirty nicknames can I call you during sex?
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Bruce Springsteen, “The Boss,” Mr. Springsteen.
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Why do men have to use the restroom after having sex?
Why do men have to use the restroom after having sex?
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He needs a private room to call his mom.
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What should I do with your balls?
What should I do with your balls?
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Gently chew.
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It’s not a big deal. It happens to a lot of guys.
It’s not a big deal. It happens to a lot of guys.
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Don’t patronize them. And that’s not a question.
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What does pleasurable sex feel like?
What does pleasurable sex feel like?
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This highly guarded secret must stay with the men.
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What does my vagina smell like?
What does my vagina smell like?
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Like a slow-cooked pot roast slathered in butter.
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What are you thinking about while making love?
What are you thinking about while making love?
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During sex, men primarily think about high-fiving their favorite professional sports players to celebrate their sexual victory.
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What is post-nut clarity?
What is post-nut clarity?
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A transcendent state in which you observe the entirety of space and time and every possible iteration of the future, before realizing you’re horny again.
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Does it hurt your thorax when I touch you here?
Does it hurt your thorax when I touch you here?
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Men are often shy about having their shiny, spiky thoraxes fondled, but they secretly love it.
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Why does your penis burst into flames after sex?
Why does your penis burst into flames after sex?
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Could you help me get this sweater unstuck from the inside of the dryer?
Could you help me get this sweater unstuck from the inside of the dryer?
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Yes. Yes they can.
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Do you think that it feels good when I do that?
Do you think that it feels good when I do that?
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Odds are he does.
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Did you pull out in time?
Did you pull out in time?
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Definitively, no.
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