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Embarrassing Sex Questions Women Wish They Could Ask Their Boyfriends

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When you first start dating a man, topics will inevitably arise that simply feel too gross, intimidating, or personal to discuss. The Onion answers every embarrassing sex question women wish they could ask their boyfriend.

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Do you like it when I gnaw at your erection like corn on the cob?

Do you like it when I gnaw at your erection like corn on the cob?

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It can be hard to hear criticism of your sexual technique, but no, he does not.

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Why are some penises curved?

Why are some penises curved?

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That is the standard curse after being tricked by a goblin who promised you great riches.

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What kind of foreplay do you like?

What kind of foreplay do you like?

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Penetrative sex.

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Can you break your penis during sex?

Can you break your penis during sex?

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Only if you’re doing it right.

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Why are some men against using toys in the bedroom?

Why are some men against using toys in the bedroom?

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They lose value if you take them out of the package.

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What dirty nicknames can I call you during sex?

What dirty nicknames can I call you during sex?

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Bruce Springsteen, “The Boss,” Mr. Springsteen.

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Why do men have to use the restroom after having sex?

Why do men have to use the restroom after having sex?

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He needs a private room to call his mom.

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What should I do with your balls?

What should I do with your balls?

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Gently chew.

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It’s not a big deal. It happens to a lot of guys.

It’s not a big deal. It happens to a lot of guys.

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Don’t patronize them. And that’s not a question.

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What does pleasurable sex feel like?

What does pleasurable sex feel like?

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This highly guarded secret must stay with the men.

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What does my vagina smell like?

What does my vagina smell like?

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Like a slow-cooked pot roast slathered in butter.

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What are you thinking about while making love?

What are you thinking about while making love?

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During sex, men primarily think about high-fiving their favorite professional sports players to celebrate their sexual victory.

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What is post-nut clarity?

What is post-nut clarity?

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A transcendent state in which you observe the entirety of space and time and every possible iteration of the future, before realizing you’re horny again.

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Does it hurt your thorax when I touch you here?

Does it hurt your thorax when I touch you here?

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Men are often shy about having their shiny, spiky thoraxes fondled, but they secretly love it.

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Why does your penis burst into flames after sex?

Why does your penis burst into flames after sex?

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Could you help me get this sweater unstuck from the inside of the dryer?

Could you help me get this sweater unstuck from the inside of the dryer?

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Yes. Yes they can.

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Do you think that it feels good when I do that?

Do you think that it feels good when I do that?

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Odds are he does.

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Did you pull out in time?

Did you pull out in time?

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Definitively, no.

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