KINGSTON, ON – Local man Mitch Thompson insists that his meticulously curated collection of back-of-the-head selfies has, in fact, nothing to do with any alleged thinning around the crown area of his scalp.
The recent hair-related revelation has people scratching their heads (from the front). Thompson, 29, who comes from a long line of follically-impaired males, asserted his denial while scrolling through his seemingly endless gallery of “headshots”.
“I appreciate the artistry of a well-composed back-of-the-head selfie. It has nothing to do with any so-called ‘thinning hair’.” Thompson insisted. “Plus I’ve been working on my upper shoulder and neck at the gym, so I like to keep track of it. That whole region, I mean.”
While experts claim these pictures mimic the classic trend of males post their mid-twenties trying to observe and track their thinning hair, Thompson, whose knowledge of hair care supplements mirrors that of a dermatologist, disagrees. The amateur expert claims the pictures themselves prove that once you disregard the, frankly, impractically harsh lighting, there is no thinning to worry about, another aspect which experts claim is classic case of denial.
Thompson, who refuses to stand under any bright lights and has a savings fund under the name “Turkey”, has pointed to his upper back and shoulder development as proof of his indifference to this fabrication. His friends and family, however, aren’t buying it.
“Brian has always been a bit touchy about his hair,” commented his cousin, Barla Thompson. “Yeah, his entire schtick of wanting to convert to judaism last year was mostly so that he could wear a yarmulke and hide his bald spot.”
“I mean, anyone with eyes can see he should be more concerned about his hairline staging a rebellion than his little bald spot.”
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