WASHINGTON—In an effort to contrast himself with former President Donald Trump ahead of the 2024 election, President Joe Biden reportedly played up his wholesomeness Wednesday by drawing freckles on his cheeks with a marker. “Why, hello, everybody—my name is Joey Biden,” the president said in an address from the White House in which he attempted to court voters by standing before the cameras with his head tilted and his hands clasped innocently behind his back. “Aren’t I just cute as a button? I’m wearing new overalls. They’re a bit big, but Mama says I’ll grow into them. Now, who wants to hear a song? I just learned to whistle.” At press time, Biden’s poll numbers had plummeted even further after an abysmal tap dance performance.
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