MILWAUKEE—Saying he had no idea at what hour of the night or early morning he would return, local boyfriend Adrian Martin announced Wednesday that he planned to black out and spend upwards of $600 at a golf simulator. “Yeah, I’m heading out with my buddies to that place RoboGolf—don’t wait up for me,” said Martin, specifying that although he did not know exactly how much money he would spend at the indoor golf simulator on shots, wings, club rentals, and swing analysis alongside his friends B-Slice, Hanson, and Fitzy, he was sure that he would call home and leave at least one tearful voicemail apologizing for spending hundreds from the bank account he shares with his partner. “I understand that we’ll likely fight about this for the next week. On the other hand, this particular golf simulator lets you play golf on the moon. Okay, babe? I’ll see you in three days.” At press time, Martin was reportedly so inebriated that he had sent a text to his girlfriend asking to be wired money immediately so that he could buy a golf simulator for himself.
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