FAIRFAX COUNTY, VA—Emphasizing that the void left by outgoing CEO Wayne LaPierre would be difficult to fill, the National Rifle Association announced Thursday that it had narrowed its search for new leadership with a round of Russian roulette. “After an exhaustive search, we’ve honed in on the best candidates by inviting them to our office, producing a revolver loaded with a single bullet, giving the cylinder a spin it, and just seeing what happens,” said NRA spokesperson Lance Crabtree, adding that the interview process, which requires applicants to take the gun, put it to their head, and pull the trigger, would ensure only the most qualified potential CEOs survived. “We went once around the room like that and were able to eliminate a few candidates immediately. We’re confident the men and women whose skulls are still intact would make amazing heads of the NRA, and if we go through several more rounds, eventually a single candidate will emerge triumphant. We can’t wait to see which terrified, blood-spattered individual that is.” At press time, the NRA had reportedly upped the ante for the next round by switching from a revolver to an AK-47.
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