Economic Headwinds Narrowly Avoid C-Suite Budget For 15th Consecutive Quarter

NEW YORK—After their compensation packages emerged from the difficult commercial landscape unscathed, top executives at Symbios Enterprises told reporters Friday that economic headwinds had narrowly avoided C-suite budgets for the 15th straight quarter. “It was touch-and-go there for a bit with all the macro changes underway in our industry, but we were luckily able to avert any reduction in upper-management pay for yet another quarter,” said CEO Harvey Turner, who noted that executive income had been able to continue its years-long run of surviving choppy economic waters after consultants identified and terminated lower-paid workers across all departments. “We are indebted to our employees, especially those who, despite their long hours and tireless nights, were unceremoniously fired to ensure our high six-figure salaries not only held steady, but actually increased in the last fiscal year. We couldn’t have reached our compensation levels without the sacrifices of these dedicated team members.” Turner added that, looking past current challenges, he was excited for what great bonuses lay in store in the future.