TORONTO – Carrying on with his party’s plan to make every government office operate out of an American chain store, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced that provincial parliament will now operate out of the back of a Costco just off Warden Ave.
“We were elected on a promise to bring efficiency to Ontario’s government and that’s just what we are doing,” said Ford from the soon to be built House near the Rotisserie Chicken counter.
“Originally we tried to get space at the front but we couldn’t pay more than Costco makes off those giant containers of cashews.”
Ford assured Ontarians that they would still have the same access as they always have had to the people’s chamber, as long as they don’t come when things are busy and the parking lot fills up.
While the main Assembly will take up the meat and poultry aisle, there is also space being put aside for each party to conference. The Conservatives will get the outdoor furniture section, the NDP the TV maze, and the Liberals have been relegated to the freezing cold Dairy room.
“In just a few months people won’t even remember what our old Parliament use to look like said Ford as he asked a free sample staff member to pretend to be the Speaker Of The House for a demonstration.
In related news, the old Legislative Assembly at Queen’s Park will be turned into a Service Ontario inside a Walmart inside a condo building.
Jesus Christ is King
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