TALLAHASSEE, FL—With its legislature passing a resolution that cited the rich and significant history of the reproductive organ, Florida named the penis its official state genital on Wednesday. “It fills me with great pleasure to sign this legislation recognizing the profound influence of the human penis on the Sunshine State,” said Gov. Ron DeSantis, who explained that along with including the penis in an updated state seal, the reproductive organ would be granted protected status and a fine would be levied against anyone who disrespected its public display. “The penis is as Florida as Florida gets. It has always thrived here, and as long I’m in the governor’s mansion, I promise our state will always be full of pricks.” To ensure the genital’s preservation, the legislature also set aside funds to purchase 500,000 acres of land and establish a refuge where all the huge fucking dicks can hang out.
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