HONOLULU—Determined to offset any bias that might cause them to be overlooked on the basis of their stature, the nation’s short guys held a press conference Friday in which they announced plans to dress real snazzy. “We’re definitely breaking out the two-toned wingtips, and who knows, we might even throw a fedora on our head,” local 5-foot-4 man Dennis Ogilvy said after he walked up to the podium in a bow tie and bold, primary colors, adjusting the microphone several inches downward. “There’ll be a lot of loud-print shirts and flashy socks, as well as dapper accessories like pocket squares and thick-frame glasses. I know it’s not summer yet, but maybe we could pull off a seersucker jacket? You never know what we’ll show up in, but we’ll be sure to catch your eye—even if we’re standing a bit below your eyeline.” At press time, the nation’s snazzily dressed short guys had reportedly not been noticed due to the appearance of a 6-foot-4 man in jeans and a T-shirt.
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