Americans Explain Why Presidents Should Have Immunity

“Maybe if the position came with immunity, more people would want to be president, and we’d finally have some more viable options.”

“As someone who benefits from immunity from the law, I have to say it’s fantastic.”

“Because my name is in a lot of little black books that I’d hate to see go public over the course of a trial.”

“Makes my job a lot easier.”

“Because the president is not just a man, but a powerful otherworldly being forged in a realm of freedom and justice to watch over us. Who are we, mere mortals, to attempt to question such a spirit’s actions?”

“The body is its own prison.”

“Oh, I broke the law a lot—like, a lot a lot—and I would like to get away with it scot-free.”

“I hope in my lifetime to see the first president to commit beastiality in office. And I don’t want him to go to jail.”

“If the president can’t get away with outlandish acts of corruption and self-dealing, then what hope do the rest of us have?”

“I’ve accomplished a lot of things in my 99 years on this planet, but I’ve never strangled a man with my bare hands.”

“Because I said so, that’s why!”

“I think it’s cruel and unusual punishment to lock up the elderly.”

“Trump’s people called me and offered me $600,000 if I would say I supported it in this slideshow.”

“Our prisons are overcrowded enough as it is.”

“As someone who hates Democrats but loves Republicans, I just can’t see any situation where giving a liberal president unlimited legal immunity could turn out badly.”

“Because when I grow up, I’m going to be a despotic autocrat!”

“The laws of man have no meaning. Ethics is void. The universe is a cold and empty place, and our supposed laws are an attempt to patch over that fundamental reality. It’s come time to own up to that.”

“All the courtroom drawings might give him body dysmorphia.”

“Presidents should be treated no differently than the rest of us billionaires.”

“It would make the presidents of all the other countries super jealous.”

“American? I’m a British bloke! But downright chuffed I passed for a Yank.”

“I used to think nobody was above the law, but then my therapist taught me the danger of thinking in absolutes.”