Consumer Confidence Sky-High After Every American Begins Vomiting Up Torrents Of Silver Dollars

ANN ARBOR, MI—The bile-covered coins marking an inflection point in the measure of economic sentiment, a University of Michigan report released Monday found that consumer confidence was sky-high after every U.S. resident began vomiting up torrents of silver dollars. “Our data indicate that consumer confidence has risen considerably ever since Americans began puking out hundreds and hundreds of 99.99% pure silver pieces,” said economist Lincoln Davies, noting that, despite the hard coins breaking people’s teeth as they exited the mouth, the spewing of gleaming riches beyond their wildest comprehension had diminished concerns about rising prices and supply disruptions. “This windfall of projectile-vomited treasure has allowed U.S. households to shore up their savings or purchase discretionary items they might otherwise have held off on. While it’s clear the country’s wealthiest 0.1% have thrown up the majority of the silver dollars, lower income individuals have also reported an improved outlook after throwing up just a few wheelbarrows full of the precious coins.” At press time, consumer confidence had reportedly plummeted after the extreme influx of regurgitated silver into the economy caused widespread hyperinflation.