‘Fox NFL Sunday’ Producers Worried Broadcast Doesn’t Feature Enough 50-To-90-Year-Old Men Standing Awkwardly

LOS ANGELES—As they weighed making major changes to the show, producers for Fox NFL Sunday confirmed Monday they were worried the broadcast did not feature enough 50-to-90-year-old men standing awkwardly. “I want to see men in navy suits, men in black suits, men smiling, and men scowling—and I want to see them pronto!” said executive producer Bill Richards, who warned that the long-running program would need to “at least triple, possibly quadruple” the number of men milling about onscreen or risk losing their spot as the most-watched NFL pregame show. “If I can see the floor, that means there aren’t enough old men, do you hear me?! Give me old, retired players and coaches shifting their weight from foot to foot, crossing and uncrossing their arms. I need aging men who occasionally scratch at their faces and have trouble making eye contact! Give them to me! Now!” At press time, the network announced that any man either over the age of 50 or balding would be permitted to mill about the set during broadcasts, as long as they showed up wearing a suit and tie.