KANSAS CITY, MO — In the wake of the Kansas City Chiefs’ 27-24 victory over the Buffalo Bills in the NFL Playoffs, the entire nation was gripped with fear that Taylor Swift can’t be stopped.
The chilling realization swept across America late last night after men, women, and children everywhere were struck by the very real possibility that, with the point of no return long since passed, mankind would now have to accept the reality that nothing would stand in the way of Taylor Swift achieving total global dominance.
“It’s inevitable at this point,” said sociologist and historian Dr. Blake Rumsey. “What began as a mere curiosity in the blending of the sports and celebrity worlds has now mutated into an unstoppable force hell-bent on conquering the world as we know it. The Kansas City Chiefs are now just one win away from reaching the Super Bowl, putting our civilized society, and quite possibly the space-time continuum on the brink.”
Despite a rollercoaster ride throughout the season following the revelation that Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was dating the global entity that was once known as pop music star Taylor Swift, the future of humankind now hangs in the balance, watching helplessly as Swift and the Chiefs stand one step away from an unthinkable outcome.
“The Baltimore Ravens may be our only hope,” Rumsey said soberly. “If they can’t stop her… may God help us.”
At publishing time, government agencies were warning families throughout the country to shelter in place and providing emergency survival instructions to implement in the horrifying event that the Chiefs advance to the Super Bowl.
Despite their best efforts, Planned Parenthood isn’t killing as many babies as their founder would have wanted. It’s time for a rebrand!
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.