Amy Coney Barrett Says Ruling For Open Border Has Nothing To Do With Landscaping Work She Needs Done This Summer

WASHINGTON, DC — Supreme Court Justice Amy Coney Barrett fielded questions from reporters regarding her controversial vote to remove razor wire from the Texas border and claims it has absolutely nothing to do with her plans to re-landscape her yard this summer.

“My plans to have a nice row of Elm trees planted along the southern fence of my backyard has nothing to do with my vote to allow more gardeners, er, I mean illegal immigrants, into the country,” Justice Barrett explained.

The Supreme Court ruled in a 5-4 vote against Governor Greg Abbott’s efforts to stop the flow of illegal immigrants entering the United States through Texas’s southern border. Justice Barrett voted to allow border patrol agents to remove razor wire placed there by Texas officials, a move she said has nothing to do with her search for a landscaping crew that’s affordable and will work for cash payments.

“My yard plans have nothing to do with my vote to allow the river of illegal migrants to continue to pour across the border,” Justice Barrett said. “Now, if Governor Abbott happens to send a bus of hard-working cheap laborers up to the East Coast and I happen to pick up a few of those laborers in the parking lot of my local Home Depot and they happen to install a nice flagstone path between my deck and backyard veggie garden, so be it.”

As of publishing time, Justice Barrett had downloaded the language-learning app Duolingo on her phone and was learning all the ways to say “I want Kentucky Blue Grass planted over there by the rock wall, please,” a move she says has nothing to do with her most recent judicial decision.

Despite their best efforts, Planned Parenthood isn’t killing as many babies as their founder would have wanted. It’s time for a rebrand!

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