
Ever since his support of an antisemitic Twitter post led advertisers to leave the platform, Elon Musk has attempted to rehabilitate his reputation, most recently by touring the Auschwitz-Birkenau death camp. The Onion examines everything Elon Musk did during his visit to Auschwitz.
Advertisement
Did Donuts In A Cybertruck
Did Donuts In A Cybertruck

Luckily the vehicle’s engine caught fire before any of the buildings were damaged.
Advertisement
Jotted Down Ideas To Implement In His Tesla Gigafactories
Jotted Down Ideas To Implement In His Tesla Gigafactories

A student of history knows there is much to be learned from the past.
Advertisement
Asked People To Play Fuck, Marry, Kill
Asked People To Play Fuck, Marry, Kill

The docents were horrified, to say the least.
Advertisement
Said The Nazi Trains Should Have Been Boring Company Tunnels
Said The Nazi Trains Should Have Been Boring Company Tunnels

Musk stated that it would have made the trip across Germany a lot more comfortable for all the Auschwitz prisoners.
Advertisement
Learned That There Are Better Places To Drop Acid
Learned That There Are Better Places To Drop Acid

Still fun, though.
Advertisement
Made Absolutely Pathetic Small Talk With Tour Guide
Made Absolutely Pathetic Small Talk With Tour Guide

Five times he brought up how much he loved video games like Halo and Among Us, and five times the tour guide was forced to politely redirect things back to the matter at hand.
Advertisement
Repeatedly Did His Wario Impression From ‘SNL’
Repeatedly Did His Wario Impression From ‘SNL’

In a vaguely Italian accent, he kept making a face and saying, “Wario is-a not-a antisemitic.”
Advertisement
Asked If They Wanted To Build An Auschwitz On Mars
Asked If They Wanted To Build An Auschwitz On Mars

He said that Auschwitz needed to be willing to colonize other planets if it wanted to survive.
Advertisement
Shot Off His Flamethrower At The Entrance
Shot Off His Flamethrower At The Entrance

Musk said he wanted to make things feel a bit more “epic sauce” because people were “being total downers.”
Advertisement
Praised The Prisoners For Intermittent Fasting
Praised The Prisoners For Intermittent Fasting

He repeatedly said it was the only weight-loss method besides Ozempic that really made any impact on his weight.
Advertisement
Tried Mescaline For First Time
Tried Mescaline For First Time

After allegedly ingesting LSD, cocaine, ecstasy, mushrooms, and ketamine, he figured the notorious site of one of history’s greatest horrors was as good a place as any.
Advertisement
Asked If The Land Was For Sale For His Next Gigafactory
Asked If The Land Was For Sale For His Next Gigafactory

According to Musk, he was very impressed with what he’d seen.
Advertisement
Unveiled Officially Licensed 2023-2024 Apology Tour Merch
Unveiled Officially Licensed 2023-2024 Apology Tour Merch

The bestselling item is a $60 hoodie with the slogan “Here Is Video Proof I Am Not Antisemitic.”
Advertisement
Asked Tourists If They Knew Where Grimes Was
Asked Tourists If They Knew Where Grimes Was

This one was very sad.
Advertisement
Watched ‘Blue Eye Samurai’ On His Android Phone
Watched ‘Blue Eye Samurai’ On His Android Phone

He forgot headphones, so he had to put the speaker volume on.
Advertisement
Checked Out The Bookstore To See If They Had Any Dan Brown Novels For His Flight Home
Checked Out The Bookstore To See If They Had Any Dan Brown Novels For His Flight Home

Unfortunately, all they had was boring Jewish stuff.
Advertisement
Attempted To Acquire Auschwitz
Attempted To Acquire Auschwitz

The Auschwitz-Birkenau Foundation politely declined the billionaire’s offer.
Advertisement
Brought A Sink
Brought A Sink

It wasn’t completely clear what he was going for here.
Advertisement
Made A Few Calls
Made A Few Calls

Musk spent the tour FaceTiming executives at Comcast, Disney, and other Fortune 500 companies so they could see how totally non-antisemitic he was being.
Advertisement
Lost Twitter A Few More Million Dollars
Lost Twitter A Few More Million Dollars

To be fair, this is happening every minute of the day no matter where he goes.
Advertisement
Was Filmed Nodding Solemnly For 5 Seconds, Then Immediately Boarded A Private Helicopter That Picked Him Up Right In The Middle Of The Camp
Was Filmed Nodding Solemnly For 5 Seconds, Then Immediately Boarded A Private Helicopter That Picked Him Up Right In The Middle Of The Camp

He learned so much.
Advertisement
Comments are closed.