Men Explain Why They Prefer Low-IQ Wives

“Whatever the reason, my preference is in no way a reflection of my own insecurities as a man.”

“I’m a simple guy. I just want a nice, traditional woman I can easily manipulate.”

“It makes it easier to explain to them why I have so many other wives.”

“I’m the dumbest person at work, and I’m sure as hell not coming home to being the dumbest person there too.”

“A woman who can think for herself is always less than a month from breaking up with me.”

“It would feel good to win at Connect Four for once.”

“I feel more secure in a relationship when I prevail at sorting objects by shape and even color.”

“It’s a lot easier to cheat on someone when you can just distract them by ringing a small bell.”

“A marriage between equals has the best chance to succeed.”

“They’re easier to steal money from.”

“Even though IQ is an arbitrary rubric, it’s good to have a number to throw in their faces when they disagree with you.”

“I prefer a cool, low-maintenance woman who’s happy just being locked in a barn with some lettuce after sex.”

“There’s nothing more endearing to me in a partner than someone who repeatedly steps on rakes that pop up and hit them in face.”

“What can I say? I want dumb kids.”

“My last sex doll got really arrogant and bitchy after it received its master’s, so I’m not dealing with that again.”

“I refuse to budge from my belief that Chester A. Arthur is the current U.S. president, and I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise.”

“It sounds like eugenics, so I’m on board.”