STOCKHOLM—Utilizing one of the Scandinavian country’s generous social masturbator programs, the Swedish government gave resident Henrik Svensson six months’ paternity leave Thursday for busting a huge load. “Upon notification that Mr. Henrik Svensson had cum thick ropes of pearly white semen, the aforementioned will be granted six months of paid paternity leave with benefits to tend to the splooge, as afforded to him by Swedish law,” said Swedish Social Insurance Agency official Felix Nyström, noting that this was done to ensure citizens have the proper amount of refractory time to regain their strength and shoot off more loads without stressing out about whether they can pay their bills or properly care for their soiled bed sheets. “During that time, our taxpayer-funded healthcare system will provide any requisite ice his balls might need to ease the tenderness from blowing monster wads. On behalf of everyone in the Swedish government, congratulations on your colossal spunk.” At press time, Svensson returned from potential leave to find many workplace resources to help him transition back to the office, such as a private prostate milking room.
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