Loved Ones Staging Intervention Also Drunk

HAGERSTOWN, MD—Attempting between swigs of whiskey to have a frank discussion with their friend about his need to get help for his drinking problem, the loved ones staging an intervention for local alcoholic Eric Garziano were also drunk, sources reported Wednesday. “Just hear us out, buddy, ’cause you gotta, like, fuckin’ stop it with all this…this too much booze all the time,” said Eric’s longtime friend Linda Hobbs, slurring her words as she explained that Garziano had to “go up the 10 steps or whatever” before losing her train of thought. “We love you, Eric, but sometimes we hate you, and so we’re taking you to rehab. I’m still good to drive. Let’s go.” After Hobbs had reportedly backed her car into a ditch, sources confirmed everyone had decided to just take the intervention to a bar and sort things out over a few beers.