Jesus' Coming Back

Alberta Premier Marlaina Smith bans kids from going by their preferred name

EDMONTON – Premier Marlaina Smith has announced that under the age of 15 will not be allowed to use the name of their choosing without parental consent.

“Demanding everyone around you call you by a new name one day out of the blue is not a viable option,” said Marlaina Smith, who goes by Danielle.

“We have to respect the given and family our ancestors carried for generations,” added Premier Kolodnicki.

The Premier believes that changing their name to one that better suits their gender identity should only be done in coordination with parents, unlike changing your name to better fit in with the bread constituents of the modern day Conservative movement.

The move is just one of many measures Smith and the will implement. They are also banning kids from going on puberty blockers until they are 16, at which point puberty will have almost certainly taken place. And they are banning all top surgery for anyone under 18 even if they have parental approval, because the UCP is about parent’s rights…to be transphobic exclusively.

The Premier hopes these measures (plus the banning of trans girls from all female sports and the decimation of the province’s sex-ed classes) will help depoliticize the issue of , much in the same way the United States’ use of the nuclear bomb depoliticized WWII.

Beaverton

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