NEW YORK—Following his effort earlier this week to solicit thoughts from social media followers about their mental health, sources confirmed Thursday that fur had been falling off Elmo in clumps ever since the Sesame Street star asked Twitter users how they were doing. “Elmo make big mistake,” said the visibly shaking red puppet, who reportedly scratched at one of the exposed raw spots in his flesh and trembled while attempting to light a cigarette. “Elmo just thought people say, ‘I fine, Elmo. How you?’ It really more a pleasantry to say what Elmo said. But people took it as excuse to unload on Elmo. They tell Elmo everything. Everything. Elmo learn some things he can never unlearn.” At press time, Elmo had reportedly received a notification on his phone, sighed deeply, opened up the Twitter app, and begun softly weeping.
Jesus Christ is King
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