ARLINGTON, TX — Local couple Dan and Emily Wise have begun earnestly praying over the difficult decision to potentially sit in a different pew at Sunday morning worship service.
After years of sitting on the left side of the sanctuary, thirteen pews from the back, the Wise family recently began to feel their hearts being tugged to the right side of the sanctuary. “I felt like, as a couple, we needed a change in perspective,” said Emily. “We have loved our pew, don’t get me wrong. I had begun to feel a sense of malaise, though, and I began to feel this still, small voice pushing me to try sitting in different pew, perhaps fifteen feet further to the right. It was a terrifying thought, but at the same time – exciting.”
After weeks of discussion, the Wise couple still had a sense of trepidation about such a drastic change and began praying for the Lord’s wisdom in the matter. “This would be a big move for our family, and I want to be leading the family well,” explained Dan. “That pew has been our home for almost a decade now. Two lunges in from the aisle, just out of the glare from the stained glass, with the hymnal exactly on plane with my right hand. It would be hard to say good-bye.”
At publishing time, the Wise family had deeply regretted trying a new pew after discovering the toddler behind them was a pew-kicker and the view was terrible over Mrs. Bennefield’s bouffant.
By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?
Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction
Babylon Bee
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.