New Immigration Bill Would Only Let In Migrants Accompanied By Group Of Hot Girls

WASHINGTON—In an effort to stymie record-high crossings at the nation’s southern border, the U.S. Senate put forward a new bipartisan immigration bill Monday that would only let in migrants who were accompanied by a group of hot girls. “This bill will establish a strict 3-to-1 ratio requiring all migrants wishing to enter the United States to arrive with at least three hotties who have smoking bodies,” said Sen. James Lankford (R-OK), who lambasted the Biden administration for allowing thousands of Venezuelan asylum seekers to pour into the country every day without waiting their turn in line or paying their $20 cover. “President Biden will never admit it, but this country is at a serious risk of turning into a sausage fest. With this legislation, we say enough is enough. This bill will allocate funds toward increasing bouncer security as well as allocating funds for miles of strong velvet rope.” At press time, House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) warned the bill would be “dead on arrival” in his chamber if it included nothing about establishing a national dress code.