Department Of Transportation Recommends Cranking Up Thin Lizzy’s ‘Jailbreak’ While Driving High

WASHINGTON—Noting how imperative it was that Americans act responsibly while under the influence, the U.S. Transportation Department released a memo Wednesday that recommended cranking up Thin Lizzy’s “Jailbreak” while driving high. “After studying countless drivers who had ingested marijuana, our data shows that the best course of action is slam your foot on the gas, crank the stereo, and sing along to this 1976 Irish hard rock hit as loudly as possible,” said Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, adding that drivers who had elevated levels of THC in their system should make every effort to roll down the windows and urge fellow passengers to belt out “Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak / Somewhere in the town / Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak / So don’t you be around.” “Should you find yourself mentally or physically impaired by the effects of cannabis, do not slow down, stop, or pull over. Instead, close your eyes and let the music wash over you. It’s what Phil Lynott would have wanted.” The department’s memo also recommended smoking another bowl before the album reached “The Boys Are Back In Town.”