SAN DIEGO—Embarrassing himself profusely in what would otherwise have been a successful evening, local man Joseph Ward reportedly killed the mood Thursday after struggling to unclasp date Heather Kapelos’ chip clip. “I’m really sorry, just give me another minute,” said Ward, who later confirmed he could feel Kapelos’ interest in having snacks waning with every moment he fumbled with the mechanism fastening her bag of pretzels. “Almost done. Just one second. Gee, this one’s tricky. I usually have no problems with these things, I swear. Actually, can you just do it?” At press time, Kapelos stated that she wasn’t even hungry anymore, and it was best if Ward just left.
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