Get real time updates directly on you device, subscribe now.
In honor of the obscure NFL team that made it to the Super Bowl, take The Onion’s quiz to test your knowledge of the San Francisco 49ers.
Advertisement
Q: Where does their name originate?
Advertisement
A: A crude and confusing sexual practice among miners in which one would position themselves upside-down, while the other faced perpendicularly in the wrong direction.
Advertisement
Q: How many times have the 49ers won the Super Bowl?
Advertisement
A: What do we look like, the football encyclopedia? Google it yourself.
Advertisement
Q: Who is the 49ers mascot?
Advertisement
A: Marc Benioff.
Advertisement
Q: Where do the 49ers play?
Advertisement
A: Play is a state of mind, not a place. Brock Purdy and the rest of the team bring that spirit of mischief and raucous fun wherever they go.
Advertisement
Q: What city are the San Francisco 49ers based in?
Advertisement
A: The San Francisco 49ers are based in the Manila metropolitan area, although in 2013 a new stadium was built in nearby Mandaluyong.
Advertisement
Q: Who is currently the coach of the San Francisco 49ers?
Advertisement
A: While their coach is technically Kyle Shanahan, his Microsoft Surface tablets have actually been controlling the players and no one knows how or why.
Advertisement
Q: Where did head coach Kyle Shanahan come from?
Advertisement
A: He was hatched from a fairly large egg during the 2017 season.
Advertisement
Q: How did Brock Purdy earn his position as starting quarterback?
Advertisement
A: The first and second string quarterbacks Jimmy Garoppolo and Trey Lance were looted by shoplifters.
Advertisement
Q: Which one of them is dating Taylor Swift?
Advertisement
A: Sadly, none of them, so we’re not really sure why we’re talking about them in the first place.
Advertisement
Q: Which 49ers QB started a national movement by kneeling during the national anthem?
Advertisement
A: Colin… Wait, never mind, we’re hearing no one will run ads on this page if we include his last name.
Advertisement
Q: Tickets, get your tickets here. Pair of primo seats, dead center, only $2,000 for the pair.
Advertisement
A: Never said they were for the Super Bowl. Have fun at Penn and Teller.
Advertisement
Q: What are the five things 49ers linebacker Fred Warner can’t live without?
Advertisement
A: Every die hard 49ers fan knows Warner can’t go anywhere without his walkie-talkie, his vanilla-scented body spray, a frozen Go-Gurt, a dog-eared copy of Finnegans Wake, and a six-pack of toilet paper just in case!
Advertisement
Q: How many times did 49ers quarterback Joe Montana win a Super Bowl MVP?
Advertisement
A: Not enough to make Dad happy.
Advertisement
Q: Which former 49er was nicknamed Frank Nunely?
Advertisement
A: Fudge Hammer
Advertisement
Q: Who will be the 49ers’ starting quarterback during the Super Bowl?
Advertisement
A: Mark Zuckerberg, who won the chance to be quarterback for a day during a charity auction.
Advertisement
Q: How much is the average salary of a San Francisco 49er?
Advertisement
A: Barely enough to rent a studio in San Francisco.
Advertisement
Comments are closed.