Men’s Wearhouse Now Offering Free Body Alterations To Tailor Flesh To Clothing

HOUSTON—In an exclusive, limited-time offer available with any purchase at its stores, Men’s Wearhouse reportedly began offering free body alterations this week to tailor customers’ flesh to their clothing. “We’ll get you in and out in just 15 minutes with a little local anesthetic,” said store manager David Lachman, who gestured toward an operating room in the back where one of the apparel chain’s professional tailor-surgeons provides free body alterations, a service other menswear retailers charge up to $60 for. “If your pants are too short, we’ll take a little off at the shins. Or if your jacket’s too tight, we have a liposuction tool right here. You’re going to like the way your body’s reconfigured. We guarantee it.” At press time, Lachman added that if a tailor-surgeon hit a major artery in the midst of a body alteration, the customer would receive their suit completely free of charge.