Another Field Goal Blocked By Cirque Du Soleil Performers Doing Acrobatics On Goal Post

LAS VEGAS—Noting that the dazzling Super Bowl performances had been fun but largely antithetical to the competition, sources confirmed Sunday that yet another field goal had been blocked by Cirque Du Soleil performers doing acrobatics on a goal post. “It’s great to see so many sparking leotards and death-defying aerial stunts, but they keep knocking the ball straight out of the air whenever a kicker tries to score,” said spectator Carla Jeffries, adding that no matter how many times the referees blew the whistle, the Cirque Du Soleil performers continued to cartwheel, somersault, and backflip across goalposts at each end of the field. “At first it didn’t seem like a big deal, but then the aerial performers descended from the poles, started riding giant bicycles, walking on stilts, and completely blocking the players from even entering in the end zone. Also, we couldn’t hear anything over the speakers blaring ‘All You Need Is Love.’ Overall, it was extremely frustrating.” At press time, the crowd began to boo after David Copperfield appeared on the field in a puff of smoke and made the ball disappear every time Patrick Mahomes or Brock Purdy tried to throw it.