‘One, Two, Elmo’s Coming For You…’ Elmo Sings Softly As Terrified Larry David Attempts To Flee Home

LOS ANGELES, CA — Popular comedian-writer-producer Larry David was the victim of ominous threats over the weekend, as witnesses reported hearing beloved children’s character Elmo singing softly as David attempted to flee his own home.

David caused controversy last week after physically assaulting Elmo during an appearance on NBC’s TODAY. Though the incident was downplayed publicly by both parties, reports over the weekend indicated Elmo was on a quest for revenge. The Sesame Street character apparently stalked David throughout Saturday evening, culminating in following the Curb Your Enthusiasm star to his home in the luxurious Pacific Palisades area of Los Angeles.

“One, two, Elmo’s coming for you,” the furry, red puppet was heard singing quietly in the night as David scrambled to escape. “Three, four, better lock your door. Elmo followed you all the way to California from New York, Larry. Elmo hasn’t forgotten. Elmo is coming to collect.”

Eyewitnesses claimed to have seen a frantic and disheveled David rushing down the street away from his home while repeatedly looking back over his shoulder. “Help! Help! That little red freak is trying to kill me!” he reportedly cried. “It was just a joke! I was just messing around! Come on!”

“Five, six, Elmo punches and kicks,” the witnesses reported hearing as the soft, disturbing singing continued. “Seven, eight, Elmo’s filled with hate… “

Individuals reported losing sight of David as the soft singing faded into the distance after him. “Nine, ten, you’ll be begging Elmo then… ” was the last thing witnesses claimed to have heard, followed by the theme song from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

At publishing time, David’s current whereabouts were unknown.

By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?

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Babylon Bee