Brought to you by: Private Family Banking
With so much economic uncertainty in today’s world, any hints for financial security are helpful. If you’re looking for advice on how to make decisions that will lead to being wealthy, why not go to the best source? Politicians!
The Babylon Bee has consulted with some of the most prominent political leaders to provide you with the following list of sure-fire money tips:
- Barack Obama: Write a new memoir every year.
- Ron Paul: Sell the Ron Paul Harvest Right Freeze Dryer — only $2,999.99!
- Bernie Sanders: Charge exorbitant fees to give speeches on the evils of capitalism.
- Joe Biden: Launder American taxpayer dollars through energy companies in Ukraine.
- George Bush: Launder American taxpayer dollars through energy companies in Iraq.
- John Kerry: Tell everyone the weather will kill them if they don’t give you all their money.
- Al Gore: Produce An Even Inconvenient-er Truth to finish out your epic trilogy.
- Lindsey Graham: Step 1, buy stock in a company that makes bombs. Step 2, bomb some stuff.
- Nancy Pelosi: Use your position in Congress as a platform to commit insider trading.
- All other members of Congress: Buy the stocks Nancy Pelosi buys.
If there’s anyone you should take financial advice from, it’s high-ranking officials in the U.S. government. Choose any of the tips above and watch the money roll in.
NOT SATIRE: With the banking industry in another tailspin, the out-of-control “Federal Reserve”, many of you are asking ‘When will the madness stop’!
Private Family Banking Partners will show you an innovative and trusted way to build guaranteed multi-generational wealth without engaging in the volatility of the boom-and-bust cycles of the stock market.
Private Family Banking provides one-on-one education and training to immediately get you started and will guide you through every step of setting up your very own privatized banking system.
You will create a pool of money that earns continuously compounding interest that can be used as collateral for investments, to self-finance major purchases, to start a new business, WITHOUT GOING TO THE BIG BANKS for loans. Imagine having your own privatized banking system that will provide guaranteed long-term growth and family wealth to pass along to your children and grandchildren, tax-free!
Don’t wait for the next Bank Collapse to get your money into Private Family Banking’s Safe Money System.
To schedule an appointment today for a free 30-minute consultation, click here.
By now the whole internet has heard Ben Shapiro rapping, but did you know that there are actually two more verses they cut out of the track?
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Babylon Bee
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