Valentine’s Date Night Ideas For True Alphas

Mom’s the only girl a true alpha ever needs.

On such a special occasion, a true alpha will let his date walk around in the backyard for a few minutes to relieve herself.

Let her sap you of your vital masculine energy? Not a fucking chance.

What woman wouldn’t be delighted to spend the night gazing into her man’s eyes and discussing whether women should be allowed to hold pilot’s licenses?

The best Valentine’s dates are often spent reviewing the state’s lax consent laws.

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Don’t let her see your phone screen, obviously.

True alphas don’t need women, friends, or meaning in their lives.

The added weight will only make you stronger.

Women love when alphas are spontaneous.

As long as she promises to sit still and not ask any questions.

DIY projects can be far more meaningful than just some dumb flowers you went and bought from the store.

The alpha is back in the driver’s seat this Valentine’s Day.

A classic, romantic date that also gives you the opportunity to explain how the earth is flat.

Also romantic to do it while you’ve locked yourself in the bathroom as she lies naked on your bed.

She’ll swoon when she walks through the door and sees her favorite episode is already pulled up on your laptop.

That child has been questioning your manliness ever since it arrived from between her legs.

Ladies love a big romantic gesture!

No woman can resist such a demonstrable feat of strength.

Women like stuff like that.

She’ll be so impressed you made it all by yourself.

Page ripped right out of the alpha’s playbook.

She’ll only object if she has something to hide.

You’re always Sonic. You’re man enough to be Shadow this time.

No pain, no gain.

Giving her a complete, scene-by-scene 90-minute synopsis of David Fincher’s latest thriller and pausing every few minutes to ask, “Do you have any questions about what I’ve said so far?” is way better than sitting down and watching it. And it’s also a total alpha move.

Traditional gender roles are important to alphas.

She should make a great appetizer for you and your loaf of bread.

The mix of raw meat and DMT you’ve been ingesting for the past month is emanating from your pores.

She’ll love watching you sprint at the basketball hoop and slam into the pole multiple times until your head bleeds.

It’s basically crafting.

Whatever it is, do not waste a drop of seed.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to express what a goddamn bitch she is every single day.