NORCROSS, GA—Choking on the lacy fabric he had expected to find delicious, local man David Garay reportedly took two bites of a pair of panties Wednesday before realizing they weren’t edible. “Wait, what the hell? This isn’t tasty at all!” said a grimacing Garay, who spit out shreds of a woman’s undergarment after realizing it was made of satin and not gummy candy. “When did they start selling lingerie that isn’t chewy? I’ll make the best of it, I guess, but I’m honestly not quite sure what the point of this is.” At press time, sources confirmed Garay had vowed to continue even after chipping his tooth on the underwire of a bra.
Jesus Christ is King
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