We Canadians pride ourselves on the contributions our country has made to popular music in North America and across the world. Songs by some of our most famous musicians are counted among the biggest in history. So let’s count down some of our favourite Canadian hits which we’re pretty sure exist but it’s entirely possible we just imagined, no way to know.
1) Tragically Hip – “Millionaire’s Ditch”
We came together as a nation to watch Gord Downie and the Tragically Hip play their final concert in 2016 and this song has always stuck out in our minds. Combining driving rock with Downie’s mostly incoherent lyrics, who can forget this anthem to corporate greed and maybe also living in a small town at the same time somehow. Wait, was this an actual song? I think they did it after Gift Shop… Did they even play Gift Shop?! No, I’m pretty sure this is a real one.
Sample lyrics:
“Thousand Island dreams funnelling through your eyes
Trillium blossoms whispering Lester B. Pearson lullabies
Don’t matter if you’re creaky, don’t matter if you’re rich
Each of us is bound to fall, each of us is bound to fall, each of us is bound to fall
Into the Millionaire’s Ditch”
2) Alanis Morissette – Resent You (My Pain in Song)
The composer of your most potent breakups really nailed the mid-90’s obsession with both post-grunge alt-rock and empowered women. We all remember jumping around our rooms thrashing to Resent You, totally feeling the pain Alanis felt that time she was hurt or maybe frustrated. This one was on Jagged Little Pill or possibly the one after. Also, it might just be something we imagined. 50/50 chance we think.
Sample lyrics:
“Standing downtown, watching trains,
Alone but strong now, your love rains, rains, rains
I’m bad but unthreatening, that’s something you lack
I resent you Dave Coulier, please take me back!”
3) “Stompin’” Tom Conners – Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey
Nothing says Canada like everyone pretending that we universally love hockey and ignoring the sizable proportion of the population that doesn’t give a damn. While most people know and love his classic Take Me Out to the Ballgame The Hockey Song, we much prefer this little ditty that we privately sing along to in our head (and possibly concocted there) every time the Leafs exit the playoffs.
Sample lyrics:
“Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey
Hockey Hockey……..Hockey Hockey….. Hockey Hockey
HOCKEY!!
Lacrosse?
NO, HOCKEY!!
Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey Hockey.
Sudbury.”
4) Great Big Sea – Unintelligible
We’ll confess we can’t make heads or tails about WHAT is happening in this song. Is it an old sea shanty? A rock-inspired clarion call to poor longshoremen? A scathing review of Rick Mercer as dictated by a drunk Irishman? Honestly, we’re not even certain this song exists but pretty much all their songs end up sounding like this.
Sample lyrics:
“Whaddya’ at, me ducky? Get on fire up a scoff!
Coz’ I’se the b’y that builds the boat
And we’re havin’ a time, me fadder
Hosh be praised, ye tally choys
They hae slain the Earl o’Moray
Beware the Jabberwock, my son
The frumious Bandersnatch, hey!”
5) Neil Young – “Zoo Stories”
The troubadour of rebellion. The minstrel of resistance. The songster of being righteously angry about stuff. Each of these terms has been used by us just now to describe this elder father of classic rock, and rightly so. Remember when he screamed this truth tune to the masses at Woodstock?! Remember how everyone screamed in response: “YES!” “YES!” “YES!”?! Good, because we weren’t entirely sure that happened and your confirmation is helpful.
Sample Lyrics:
“Hey hey, we’re the Monkees and people say we monkey around
But we’re too busy singing to put anybody down
We’re just tryin’ to be friendly, come and watch us sing and play
Go to hell Nixon.”
6) Barenaked Ladies – “Song in the Key of Weird”
Can you name any other Canadian artist who got started singing at Speaker’s Corner only to eventually find themselves singing the theme song for the Big Bang Theory? Of course not, because literally there can only be one such band. You know them, you’ve heard them, you’d describe them generally as inoffensive. Barenaked Ladies have more hits than we can count, including this one which we probably made up because our internet is down and we had to just roll with this one.
Sample Lyrics:
“Endless esoteria, lists of random references,
Fast talkin’
happy beats
RUN – ON – SENTENCES
Play us in the background, play us in the restaurant
Everybody loves us
Your dad, your uncle, and your aunt.
Emooooooooooootioooooooon.”
7) Michael Buble – 23 Skidoo
With a voice like liquid chocolate and those boyish good looks, everyone loves the Bublemeister (patent pending). And since we never really know if he’s singing an original or some public domain jazz standard, we choose to assume every big band song is probably somehow him. Like this one:
Sample Lyrics:
“Shabadaboo, Squiddledeechoo
Zip Zop Zwibble, and I love you
Take me around, Big Daddy Brown
Yabba Daba Dabba and I love you.”
Jesus Christ is King
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