Window Washer Could Have At Least Dragged Squeegee Along Building As He Fell

CHICAGO—Noting how dirty the glass still looked even after going to all that trouble, sources confirmed Thursday that the window washer they’d hired could have at least dragged his squeegee along the building as he fell. “Yeah, I know his rope snapped and he ultimately fell to his death, but would it have killed him to clean as he plummeted to the ground?” said building manager Sam Collins, adding that if the window washer was going to spend all afternoon dangling from a malfunctioning apparatus and dying, he might as well have gotten some work done along the way. “All I’m saying is that we were paying him to clean the windows, not to drop 90 feet and do absolutely nothing on the way down. Now, not only do we have dirty windows, but we’ve got a big pile of blood and guts on the ground. Gross. I won’t be hiring that guy again, that’s for sure.” At press time, Collins added that he’d be calling the window washer’s supervisor and complaining after the man refused to give him a refund with his dying breath.