Country Music Fans Reveal Why They Will Never Listen To Beyoncé

“Her posse done stoled my horses.”

“Because she’s never listened to me. This needs to be a two-way street, or it’s never going to work out.”

“I thought the ineffectual ‘Run The World (Girls)’ was too reductive a model of feminism to offer anything of substance to contemporary discourse.”

“I only listen to classic country, like Lil Nas X’s ‘Old Town Road.’”

“I will never get over the betrayal of her pretending to be Foxxy Cleopatra in the third Austin Powers movie, when in reality she was a woman named Beyoncé Knowles.”

“She just looks like someone who showers.”

“I broke my hip trying to do the ‘Single Ladies’ dance.”

“What does Beyoncé even know about making music?”

“Sasha Fierce was too aggressive and too sassy. And as much as Beyoncé claims to have her under control, I know Sasha is always in there, searching for a way to get out and cause great mischief.”

“It’s nothing personal. I just don’t hear so good anymore.”

“Team Kelly Rowland for life.”

“Beyoncé won’t be born for another 100 years, as far as I’m concerned.”

“You can’t just wake up one day and decide to make a country album. I mean, who does she think she is? Darius Rucker? Lady Gaga? Tina Turner? Kylie Minogue? Ringo Starr? Elvis Costello? Lionel Richie? Ween?”

“’Round these parts, we only listen to kawaii metal.”

“I had the idea to make country music years ago, and she stole it.”

“I bet she’s never even stepped foot in Texas.”

“I’m too drunk to turn on the radio or I would.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love country music, but Beyoncé’s new songs just sound too much like country music.”

“I resent that she holds more power than me in this world.”

“Country music was invented by an armadillo wearing a cowboy hat, fair and square.”

“She’s never written one song about getting horny for a truck.”

“My country station said they’re not going to play her until she changes her name to Denise Stumps.”

“She just doesn’t understand what country is all about.”

“She stole Jay-Z from me.”