Nation Surprised U.S. Power Grid Hasn’t Been Shut Down By Hacker Named Cyber Wolf

WASHINGTON—Expressing astonishment that such an act of techno-terrorism didn’t come to fruition years ago, Americans across the country told reporters Tuesday they were surprised the U.S. power grid hadn’t already been shut down by a hacker named Cyber Wolf. “You’d really think that by the year 2024, we would’ve had at least one mysterious hacker named Cyber Wolf jacking into our grid and cutting off power nationwide,” said Arizona native Greg Dalton, 53, one of millions of Americans who admitted to being baffled at the lack of a pixelated wolf face ever appearing on their screens, telling them they had been “very, very bad” and this was their punishment, and then howling at them in a computerized voice. “Now that I think about it, it’s downright strange that the president has never received a threat from a hacker collective called something like the Digital Wolfpack saying they had full control of our gird, a full moon was out on the internet, and the hunt was commencing. You know, just as retribution for our decadent ways or whatever.” At press time, the nation added that it seemed like, hypothetical or not, Cyber Wolf was probably a little too into the whole wolf conceit.