Dirty Clothes Hanging All Over Barely Used Peloton Instructor

AMES, IA—Stressing that he had thought the trainer would help him increase his level of physical activity, local man Greg Paloma admitted to reporters Wednesday that there were dirty clothes hanging all over his barely used Peloton instructor. “At first I tried to exercise almost every day, but now Jeff, my Peloton bike class teacher, is basically a glorified clothes rack,” said Paloma, adding that the Peloton instructor sat in a corner and was barely visible now that he was completely covered in crumpled-up shirts, pants, and underwear. “As much as I tell myself I’m going to dust him off and finally get back into shape, I can never quite find the time or energy. I even put a Post-it note on his forehead that says ‘Work out tomorrow.’ What a total waste of this guy’s $40,000 salary.” At press time, Paloma had reportedly put the Peloton instructor up for sale on Craigslist after having to look him in the eye each day and feel guilty about never using him.