Jesus' Coming Back

Biden Chases Soap Bubble Across Nation

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WASHINGTON—Clapping with delight while attempting to catch the thin, floating film of cleaning liquid, President Joe Biden chased a soap bubble across the nation Thursday, Beltway sources confirmed. “Come back, Mr. Bubble!” said the commander in chief, who reportedly gave chase to the bubble after spotting it emerging from the White House kitchen, drawing the curious president onto the West Lawn and down Pennsylvania Avenue as he avoided several near-misses with cars and 16-wheelers, finally embarking on the 1,656-mile cross-country journey that brought him to the Great Plains where he giggled with visible joy as a gust took the bubble in the direction of Yellowstone National Park. “You’re being so silly—even sillier than when you landed on that goose’s head and almost let me catch you. But that’s why I love you so much. You’re my sweetest little friend!” At press time, Biden had reportedly drowned after following the bubble directly into the Pacific Ocean.

The Onion

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