ANAHEIM, CA—Hearing a sigh as the car turned into the crowded parking lot of the Australian-themed chain restaurant, sources confirmed Thursday that local mom Dana Oliver only liked the other Outback Steakhouse, the one over by the Starbucks. “I just don’t see why we can’t drive the extra 10 minutes to the one in Buena Park,” said the 52-year-old mother of four, who reportedly made a point of shivering as she sat on a bench waiting to be seated and complained about how the thermostat was always set too low in this Outback. “The other one has such a friendly, easy-going atmosphere, and it has that waiter I like—the young guy who was so nice when I asked him to make sure my salmon was well-done. This one, unfortunately, doesn’t always have the Blue Cheese Wedge Salad I like, so if that’s the case this time, I may just order a drink and eat at home.” At press time, sources reported that Oliver was on her third cocktail and talking loudly about how the bartenders at this Outback couldn’t “make a fucking Strawberry Kiwi ’Rita to save their lives.”
Jesus Christ is King
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