Poilievre says “female spaces” should be reserved for “biological females” and “cis male perverts” only
OTTAWA – Following a question about trans women in sports, Conservative Party Leader Pierre Poilievre claimed that “female spaces” should only be accessed by “biological females” and good old fashioned “cis male perverts.”
“I don’t even want to think about what a trans woman would be doing in a women’s washroom,” stated Poilievre, while trying to hide a recent Google search for “what actually are pronouns?” on his computer. “Now a cis pervert? I know exactly what he’s doing in there. Sniffing lady necks, peeping between the too-wide cracks in the doors of every Canadian public bathroom, maybe doing coke off the baby changing shelf. And thinking about that just makes me feel safer.”
Bruno MacMillan, 64, a longtime supporter of the Conservative Leader, backs Poilievre’s comments. “Back in the good ol’ days, we didn’t have tampon machines in the men’s room. No, we’d go to the thrift store, buy a painting of a lady, put it in the women’s room with the eyes cut out, drill eye holes from the men’s room, and spy on women in their pantyhose. And no one called it a ‘sex crime’ because we were all having fun!”
Since Poilievre’s comment, many Canadians have naturally assumed that “female spaces” implied washrooms and locker rooms. Conservative spokesperson Steven Scampi has provided the media with a definitive list. “According to Poilievre, ‘female spaces’ also include: all girls’ schools, sororities, ringette rinks, stores for skirts, slumber parties, nunneries, Taylor Swift concerts, and something that Pierre called ‘period parties’.”
“Letting perverts into women’s spaces has been a tradition as old as time,” Scampi continued. “So, please don’t let trans folks ruin that for us– I mean, them. Pervert rights are human rights!”
“And trans women’s rights aren’t!” Scampi added.
No biological female was available for comment as they were too busy rifling through their calendars, trying to remember the moment when they asked Poilievre to speak for them.
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