Norway To Start Hiding Its Standard Of Living To Make Other Countries Feel Better About Themselves

OSLO, NORWAY—Not wanting reports of the happy, healthy lives of its citizens to demoralize people living outside the Scandinavian nation, Norway announced Monday that it would start hiding its standard of living to make other countries feel better about themselves. “In an effort to not lord it over the rest of the world, the Kingdom of Norway will cease publication of its standard of living data beginning today,” said Prime Minister Jonas Gahr Støre, detailing the many ways in which Norway did not wish to “rub it in” with news about its high incomes, low inequality, robust social safety net, access to quality healthcare, and 49 weeks of parental leave at full salary. “Why should we hurt the pride of the world’s non-Norwegian inhabitants by publicizing our economic and political stability, our long life expectancy, our tuition-free colleges, our monthly allowance for all children under 18, and our—by any measure—remarkably high levels of personal happiness. It just seems mean-spirited to carry on and on about all that.” Gahr Støre emphasized, however, that just because he was downplaying his country’s standard of living didn’t mean it wasn’t still way better than everyone else’s.