Litter-Robot Recalls Thousands Of Self-Cleaning Litter Boxes That Accidentally Transported Cats To Year 1300

AUBURN HILLS, MI—Attributing the defect to a manufacturing error, pet care company Whisker issued a recall Wednesday on thousands of self-cleaning Litter-Robots that had accidentally transported customers’ cats to the year 1300. “We apologize deeply for any distress cat owners might have felt as they watched their Litter-Robot start uncontrollably whirring and their pet vanish in a burst of bright white light,” said CEO Jacob Zuppke, who confirmed that thousands of domestic cats had been transported across time and space to locations including medieval Europe, the Mongol Empire, the Mali Empire, various pre-Columbian civilizations, and Scotland under Robert the Bruce. “We created Litter-Robot to provide people with a hands-off litter-box-cleaning experience, not to whisk their pets away to another century. If your cat was transported more than 700 years into the past by a Litter-Robot, please visit our website to learn how you can receive a time-stable replacement free of charge.” At press time, the company had received hundreds of reports of cats with cybernetic, glowing eyes returning to the present to use their litter boxes before vanishing again.